Wednesday 11th April 2007

CAT scan today. Bloody farce that was. Turned up thinking 'Yuck, I'll have to drink that weird blackcurrant Barium drink, but at least I won't have to be mauled with a canular this time...they can use my PICC line.' Wrong! So once again I had to endure the nurse smacking my veins in the joint of my left arm while I clenched and un-clenched my fist (and teeth and buttocks to be honest) and then 'just a sharp scratch'...rendering my left arm completel useless.

'Are you wearing an underwired bra?' Of course I was. With one arm I somehow managed to remove my t-shirt and bra and then re-dress. Then, whilst lying down under a blanket I had to tilt hips up, shuffle trousers down, up, down, up, down, up and relax. Injection tube was connected to the canular and then in my best sunbathing pose I heard the 'breathe in and hold' automated command. The ring moved up and down over my body. The machine stopped. 'Have you had an operation on your hip?' 'No' Thinking 'It's my bloody knickers.' In the attempt to look half-decent had put on knickers with pink ribbon and metal monkey attached. (They sound disgusting, they're just tacky). Anyway after another tilt, shuffle, up, down, wriggle, etc we started again. Scan was over quite quickly actually. Putting my knickers and trousers back on, with the use of one arm, under a blanket, wasn't. Still, canular was swiftly removed (ow, buggeration, you bloody, bloody bastard) and I was on my way. Results in a month. A month. Yes...one bloody month. Ugh.

Collected 'Marina' today...the wig. It resembles road kill when it's not on my head and Paul McCartney circa 1965 when it is. She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Been OK in myself these past couple of weeks. I now weigh 11st 7lb. Before all this I think I was nearing 15st. Rebecca came to stay last Wed (so, so, so good to see her) and she mentioned how much weight I've lost but I just can't see it. Still see the old, fat me in the mirror. Can't get my head around it at all and have no real idea what size I am so end up taking half the shop into the changing room with me. Tres bizarre.

Still feeling nauseous and being sick a lot. However, Mum's going to take me to Barcelona for my Birthday so that's something to plan and focus on. Viva Espanga!