10.12pm: I suppose I should really explain why I'm in here in the first place. Well, I think it was about 20th October and I went for dinner at Lucy and Matt's. I felt v depressed and spent whole evening moaning. Went back home and couldn't sleep. Phoned in sick next day and spent whole day asleep/staring at the wall. Ditto next day. Then next day was Fri before half term. Somehow I managed to pack up stuff, have shower (so painful as had rash all over my body), load car and drive home. Went to doctor's but he said he didn't want to interfere with dermatologist's programme so suggested I make emergency appointment with them on Monday. Woke up Saturday in so much pain that I couldn't even sit comfortably. Went to emergency doctors and they suggested same as other doctor.
Monday came. Dr M-S not working on Monday so we went to see my GP who made some phonecalls and got me in to see Colonel Boxer. Now, when you hear name Col. Boxer you expect some strapping, 7ft man - instead got sweet version of Edna Mode from 'The Incredibles.' She said I had the treatable version of MRSA and prescribed baths at least once a day, creams to be applied twice a day and 3 types of tablets to be taken 4 times a day. She wanted to admit me to hospital for two weeks but I refused.
Second day of taking tablets, my neck swelled up hugely on one side. Felt iller than ever have in whole life. Mum rang emergency doctor and he said glands will swell to fight infection and will return to normal once finished tablets. Two weeks later pills were finished and went back to dermatologist who asked an Ear, Nose and Throat Consultant to look at my neck as it was still huge. He recommended that I have an emergency ultrasound to see if I had tumours in my neck. Had awful weekend thinking I might die.
Ultrasound was following Friday. Explained to Radiologist that glands had gone down slightly and so he said he felt there was no need to progress any further and he'd give me all clear in report to Col. Boxer. Great relief.
However, Sat and Sun felt really ill again and neck swelled more.
Monday 20th Nov went to GP. Was due to have patch test with Col. Boxer at 12. He said to keep appointment as he felt I needed to be admitted to hospital for tests and she had more clout than he did.
Went to see Col. Boxer and my God did she move fast. Phoned up and got me in for tests. Had bloods done. Gave me those and my notes and we drove to Frimley Park Hospital where had to attend MAU (Medical Assessment Unit). So grim. Filled with men groaning and grabbing their bits - in pleasure/pain I'm not too sure. Had BP, temp, pulse rate measured; more blood taken; ECG done; Chest X-Ray done and then was admitted to G4 Ward. Well, we walked in and it's full of 90 yr-old women sparked out and one mad woman from another ward shuffling in and out all the time, carrying two tins of Quality Street. Mum said 'Do not even sit on the bed Philippa. You're not staying here. I'm not having it, I'm just not' and started moving Dad and I back through these old women and their zimmer-frames. Ward Manager v nice and rang Bed Manager for us. She said that 80% of people in hospital are elderly. I said 'I can do elderly, but I won't do ga-ga.' Obviously, that went down well. Anyway, after waiting for couple of hours was admitted to here, G1 Ward, which is dept I need to be in anyway. Have my own room. No old women or Quality Street in here.
Tues 21st Nov - consultant Dr A came round and broke news that I had nodes in chest and most likely Hodgkins Lymphoma and that I needed CAT scan and then biopsy. Was SO scared I was going to die. Only person I knew who had lymphoma was Nikki's Dad and he had died from it.
Wed 22nd Nov - CAT scan. Already described horrid canular in arm to flush dye round body. Had to lie on table while large ring moved up and down over me and I had to hold breath at certain points. Came back to ward and nurse ripped canular out. F*CK ME! OW! OW!
Thur 23rd Nov - Biopsy under local anaesthetic. Ear, Nose and Throat Surgeon SO lovely. Came to explain whole process to me and my parents and then I signed consent form. Was meant to go up at 2. Period arrived (woohoo) but no porter. Went up at 5. Local anaesthetic stung like hell. Then had to shuffle onto really narrow operating table. (How do really fat people cope?!) Was told that lights would be really bright and due to Health and Safety reasons I should keep my eyes shut. Yeah - like I'll keep them open so that I can see you slice open my neck. Sound was awful though. Apart from hearing 'Relax. Drop your shoulders...I can't cut properly' and 'Pass the skin hooks' the sound of her cutting out the nodes was like the sound of when you cut the rind off bacon with scissors. Yuck! Anyway, neck hurt a bit when anaesthetic wore off but just felt like nasty cut for few days after.
Fri, Sat and Sun - nothing really happened. And then if you look back you can see what's happened from Mon 27th Nov onwards.
Lucy Kirke came to visit today. 4 hour train journey each way. My God! But I haven't seen her for so long, although it seemed like I only just saw her yesterday.
Lauren also came to visit me. Lauren is SO cool. No sooner had she left than she sent me text saying: 'Was so lovely to see you beehatch! Am all excited bout you coming back xxx.' Really hope I can go back soon. Need normality. Need sea air. Need head space to get through this. I really feel that I'm going to be ok, where I think if I was going to die, I would feel that. It's all bit crazy still. However, can already see how much this experience has changed me. Been in hospital 2 weeks today. MAD!!
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