Thursday 14th December 2006

2.06am: Am writing this now as woken up v itchy and am hoping it will distract me.

Had a good couple of days. Been able to swing my legs over side of bed and get up straight away - walking is still bit of a hobble but it's a step in the right direction -BOOM, BOOM.

Legs are now completely dry and scabbed over. The Inco sheets they put on my bed are brilliant. Basically they let me sleep/rest without sticking to the sheets whilst letting the air get to them. Neck is looking better - seems to have gone down a bit and where I've had stitches out is clean and dry.

Ali is v pleased with my progress. Arm is practically clear of scabs now. Gabapentin has been reduced to once in morn (8am) and once at night (10pm) so am less spaced out. Apparently the Chemo should start to subside itch within 10-14 days so can stop panicking that am still itchy, particularly on my back (although as one nurse said it's prob because I spend most of my time on my back - bloody cheek!)

Palms of hands aren't scaly/flaky anymore - thank God! Even holding a magazine could be sore at times.

Jen and Shelagh came to visit today. Jen looked fantastic. V well and slim. Shelagh also looked happy, fit and health which I'm so pleased about as she's recently got over breast cancer. Was really lovely to see them both and have good old gossip bout how rubbish EIHMS is becoming.

Katie came to visit this afternoon. Was bit apprehensive about it. Initially, Robert was meant to come and drive her down but he got called to Barbados (as you do when you're an air steward. Bastard) so she she ended up on train. Her parents mysteriously turned up at Frimley station and her Dad walked her to my room. Could have done without meeting him looking like a tramp but nevermind. She bought me a red rose made out of Lego as real flowers are banned due to health and safety reasons - v cool. She looked v scared and frightened to begin with and thought she was going to cry so I just waffled on about everything and nothing and I hope that eased her mind a little. I'm so used to it here now that I don't see the scary side anymore. Explained that before whole process started my biggest fear was getting cancer. You see all these adverts on TV, but you never think it will happen to you. Also, before this, I thought all cancers were same: you either receive chemo/radiotherapy/both and associated them with death. However, all cancers are different and treatment is now customised to the individual - not a generic, one-size-fits-all policy. Hodgkins is so treatable and the more people I speak to, the more I hear tales of people they know who've had it and made a full recovery.

Hadn't seen Katie or really spoken to her since night we broke up, but it was nice to just hang out with her and not mention any of that. Mum turned up when Katie was still here. Did warn Katie that parents were arriving at 7 but she didn't seem bothered when I said it was nearly 7. Anyway, Mum arrived. Talk about Permafrost. Thing is Mum's seen how upset I've been over the two break-ups (particularly the first) and she doesn't want me getting hurt/getting back with Katie. Explained that neither will happen - I don't paln on getting with anyone in the near future, got enough to deal with - and she seemed reassured and apologised for being overprotective.

Am feeling so much better in myself. Gabapentin has forced me to rest so I've slept really well past few days and all nurses have commented on how much better I'm looking. I've also learnt that I don't have to put brave face on things and struggle through - that I should listen to my body and tell someone else what it tells me. They can help. That's what medicine is, but as per usual, I'm little slow on uptake.

Really hope I can leave soon. If I'm still here Monday I'll have been in for 4 weeks! Am desperate to go to bookshop and to start buying hats. Also really want to go to the hotel for Crimbo. I think whole family NEEDS it more than anything...so please FC, if you're listening, that's what I want for Christmas.