Tuesday 28th November 2006

Bone Marrow biopsy will take place tomo around 11am. Local anasthetic in hip then needle in to take blood and then another to take piece of bone. Am quite apprehensive about it.

Thought we'd have results back today but Alli (the lovely registrar) came and said that I'm a pain...I'm proving to be complicated. Apparently results are not clear cut Hodgkin's Lymphoma so they need to do more tests on sample, which should be back by Thursday. Am starting to worry that I'll have really bad prognosis and as it turns out that it's linked to my itchy skin (which I've had for 3 years on and off) am really concerned that it's gone untreated for too long and my chances are therefore greatly slimmed.

Marilyn and Lucy visited today. Marilyn bought card which everyone from EIHMS had signed and they'd all clubbed together and got me chocs and a book token. I left over a year ago and am still popular, which is really reassuring and given me the confidence boost I need.

Lauren drove down and bought me the stuff from my room that I'd asked for. She's so lovely. Really hope I can go back to the house at least one week out of every four.

Antonia's just left. She's v stressed at work and started having panic attacks. Made me realise (more than ever) that when I'm better there's no way I'm going back to teaching/choosing a stressful career. I just want a part-time job to earn enough to pay rent, bills, etc and spend rest of time writing this biography and seeing bits of the world...actually enjoying life rather than getting sucked into what society expects.

This waiting is awful. I don't want to die. I feel (deep in my gut) that I'm going to get better, but waiting for these results (particularly as they're now complicated to get) is torture.