Friday 13th July 2007

Today I had my penultimate (15th) session of Chemo. This means that hopefully my last (touch wood) Chemo session will be in 2 weeks time. Cannot believe it has been 8 months since I began treatment. In some ways it has gone really fast and in others it has seemed like forever. "Everything today is not the same, and yet it is exactly the same and it can never be the same again." (A.M.Homes - 'This Book will Save your Life').

PICC line is still not bleeding, which is a real pain as the vein they stab to take blood from in the other arm is becoming v sore and bruised. Also, after some inept moron staring at my PICC line arm, whilst serving me in MacD's yesterday, I am more than ready to have it (and the explanations) removed - although apparently after my next session they just pull it out - EEEEEEEK! Am 99% positive I will faint/puke/faint and puke.

Have had a really brilliant week this week. Becky came to visit me in Brighton at the weekend and we had a wicked time. Sat night we went to Las Iguanas for yummy food and cocktails. Moving on to the Mash Tun where we were chatted up by a man camper than a field of tents who insisted he was straight and told Becky he could never forget her name as he'd had two girlfriends called Becky...then proceeded to call her Laura. After this beautiful meeting we went to The Arc for 'HoldUp' Indie Night. Brilliant music - lots of dancing and drinking.

Sunday - shopped til literally dropped and credit card had a coronary. Becky spontaneously got her ear pierced - as you do, and we went to the Hanover Street Festival. Watched Federer beat Pirate-Boy in Wimbledon Final and went to the Marina for dinner.

Monday - I went to visit Dawn and Andy in the class capital of the world - Essex. Went shopping (again) and purchased too much stuff (again) in the ever-elegant Lakeside. Watched 'Die Hard 4.0' in the eve which was surprisingly good, although gravity has not been kind to Mr Willis.

Tuesday - visited Upminster Windmill - only one blade and no Johnathan Creek or Nr Majeka in sight - pah! Onto Romford, which was better than the sh*thole we all expected it to be.

It's Gaby's wedding tomorrow. So surreal to think of her being Mrs Baber and not Miss Goodman. Thoroughly looking forward to it though...will be a wonderful day. Really hope I don't vomit at inappropriate moments...

(Sadly Grandad died last weekend. It's hit Dad quite hard. Funeral's on Wednesday. Going to be tough...)

Friday 6th July 2007

"Independent of a fuck who hates faggots, independent of a small cock-sucker...a...COCK...suck...er..." improvised Tori Amos at the Hammersmith Apollo on Tuesday. She was AH-MAY-ZING! Her band was incredible. She played loads of new songs for the first hour while dressed as Santa (one of the characters from her latest album 'American Doll Posse', then had a costume change and playeda mix from her back catalogue.

During a rendition of 'Black Dove' she stopped mid-song because she was "fucking the whole band up 'cos I have had a brain fart..." The second costume was a little bizarre - a mix between a dress and a jumpsuit made from Bacofoil. Also, it was difficult to tell whether she was enjoying herself immensely/ a spider had got in her pants...dry-humping the piano stool was her main choreographed motion.

Earlier in the day I met up with Dal...a v cool individual who contacted me on MySpace due to this journal. She completed the Race for Life (in just 31 mins!) while wearing this funky t-shirt. Am very touched...the kindness of strangers does exist.

Nicole came to visit Wed-Thurs. Had wicked but slightly weird time on Gay Street. Random people...v, v random...

Had a bit of a rubbish day. Grandad's seriously ill...Dad's very upset. Blood test today. Day Unit full of very ill, very old women. One of them left 5 minutes before I did. When I came out she'd only just managed to walk 100m down the corridor. It's getting incredibly hard to go in sometimes...seems like have to summon up every ounce of strenght, slap a smile on and just get on with it.

Friday 29th June 2007

Also, six months on is a picture of my scar...not quite as unusual as Harry Potter, bit more like Frankenstein's monster, but chicks dig scars right?!
Had 14th Chemo session today. 2 to go. Phew. PICC line still not bleeding and is now infected so been put on antibiotics. Pants eternal.

Wednesday 27th June 2007

Some photos of my not-so but still quite scabby legs 6 months on...

Monday 25th June 2007

Back in Blighty. Barcelona was absolutely amazing!! Such a beautiful city. Loved every single moment of it.

Tuesday was "Gaudi Day". It was also the hottest day of the trip - nearly 90 degrees and due to the decanting of liquids into bottles of less than 100ml (to meet new EU regulations for hand luggage) I ended up applying liquid hairspray instead of sunscreen spray onto my skin...wondered why my arm hair seemed so sleek and styled. Went to Sagrada Familia first. Mind-blowing. It just looks as if it has risen up out of the mud and formed the strangest, most ethereal shapes. Photos just don't do it justice. Then went to Park Guell where almost every surface was covered in mosaics...colours were so vibrant. Casa Mila next. The roof was crazy...covered in bizarre, alien-like statues - some wooden, some mosaic, some stone - and steps going up and down, up and down, so that as you walked around it felt like bobbing around in the sea. Then onto Casa Battlo a little way down the road - covered in jewel-coloured mosaics and stained glass.

Wednesday - Picasso Museum. Permanent collection wasn't all that great to be totally honest but they were holding a temporary exhibition of Lee Miller's photographs of Picasso and that was really fantastic. Walked around the Barri Gotic, or the Gothic Quarter, in the afternoon, and at every turn there was more amazing architecture to behold.

Thursday was spent walking down La Rambla to the Port laughing at all the living statues and cringing at all the animals crammed into tiny cages on the pet stalls. Loads of shopping to be done - including a visit to C and A (which hadn't seemed to have changed it's stock since 1987) and a 'Pick-and Mix' sweet shop called "Happy Pills" where you could buy medicine bottles of various sizes for different amounts of Euros and then fill them up with sweets.

After one last Cappucino it was back to the airport, back onboard "Sleazy Jet" and back to Gatwick...where it was raining...hard.

Gaby's Hen Night was on Saturday. Very fun evening was had by all. The venue was 'Madison's'...possibly the cheesiest venue I have ever been to...one minute the waiters/waitresses are dishing out dinner, the next they're leaping on top of a piano and belting out 'I Will Survive' and 'Love Shack'...QUALITY Mate...'AVE IT!

Tuesday 26th June 2007

Horrible night filled with bad dreams and nightmares. Kept waking up in floods of tears , with a terrible sense of unexplained fear in my stomach - a real plunging feeling. Incredibly tired of feeling up and down, and of putting a brave face on. Don't have the strength to do it anymore and just feel I'm becoming a chore to be around. I'm lost...

Friday 15th June 2007

13th Chemo session today. Went well even though PICC line still not bleeding...ugh. What was also cool was I got to meet Nicola who was having her first Chemo session for Hodgkins'. Made a real difference to have someone around my age to talk to and swap stories with.

Turned 26 on Sunday. Had busy 3 days to celebrate. Saturday was Antonia's Birthday Barge Bash. She hired a barge and spent the day sailing down the river from Godalming to Guildford. Extremely sunny - v good fun.

Sunday - Mum, Dad, Denise, Vic, Nicky, Paul and I went to Great Fosters in Egham and had a really yummy meal in the sunshine, on the terrace.

Monday - back to Brighton and held a BBQ in our back garden, then had a bit of a crazy, hazy night in the maroon basement that is the Candy Bar.

Tuesday - Rebecca came down from London after work and we went to Carluccio's for dinner. Really appreciate the effort people have made to visit - not just over my Birthday, but from day-to-day too.

Still feel a little in limbo, particularly when I'm asked what I'm going to do after treatment finishes because I just don't know. Feel quite lonely still...and a bit down, but am off to Barcelona on Monday, with Mommy Dearest and hope it's going to be a good few days.